I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Randomize
