Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Randomize
