I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
