on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize
