I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize