In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Randomize
