I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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