that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
