All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
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