I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
