I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
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