Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
