he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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