These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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