I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
