Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Randomize
