his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
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