I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
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