He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
