True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
