Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
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