about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
