i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
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