I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
