Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
