Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Randomize
