Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
love makes seman taste better
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
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