:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Randomize
