u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Randomize
