I wish they made helmets for livers.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
