why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Randomize
