Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
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