Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
Randomize