what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
