My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Randomize
