I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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