dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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