Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize