the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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