I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
I have demons in me.
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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