Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Randomize
