I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
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