why didn't you poke me back
didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Randomize
