she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize
