This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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