i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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