This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
