I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Randomize
