I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Randomize
