This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
