This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
you win again, gameday.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Semen is not good for contacts.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
I need water and some morals
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
