My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
I like my sex mixed with concussions.
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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