I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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