Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Randomize
