Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Randomize
