Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
