Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
