So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
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