Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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