positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
