She's JV to your varsity
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Randomize
