I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
