just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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