We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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