I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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