We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
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