I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
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