the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
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