I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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