I cut my penus on the lid.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
