the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
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