Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Randomize
