They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
