no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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