it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Randomize
