I think I died a long time ago.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
