It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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