Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
He shit in the fireplace
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
