what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Randomize
