everyone is single if you try hard enough
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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