Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Randomize
