somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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