dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
