I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
