WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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