No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
you had me at cake vodka
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
