with your own penis?
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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