I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
