He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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