i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
