You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Randomize
