Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Randomize
