$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
Duck Duck Cougar?
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
So vagazzling was a success
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Randomize
